The line between personal memory and inherited trauma is razor-thin here, and you walk it with such clarity and care. “We were the replacements” — yes. That strange pressure to justify existence by continuing what was interrupted. That haunting need to remember for others, even when no one asked us to. You’ve named something that so many descendants of survivors feel but rarely articulate.
Your twin’s transformation — from shared childhood mythology to estrangement — is gutting. But so real. And your restraint in the telling makes it even more powerful.
You’ve written something sacred here. And I’ll be thinking about 3636 — as both a place and a metaphor — for a long time.
Appreciate this a great deal. I have half-siblings I haven't spoken with in decades. Even across the years, I imagine the threat of exposure feels too great....
wow and so true if perplexing we create our own families as we go people who do not necessarily share memory but the desire to explore and incorporate it in a way at cross purpose sometimes to our own blood kin we can actually be TOO close to Them and we mirror our own confusion (?)
When I saw @writersatwork weekend thread, I decided to scroll and not look until my hand felt ready to stop. It stopped on your comment, and I'm so grateful it did. "Estrangement", is a difficult experience, and while I have so many thoughts, I've never been able to put them into words. My estrangement is from my father, and it's a sore point for my mother- so much so that I find it challenging to write about. How do you tell your story when it's also someone else's? And, yet- you did it beautifully. Thank you
It was super scary, I'll tell you that. On one hand, I convinced myself he'll never read it so it's okay. On the other, I really tried my best to take myself out of the picture and look at the dynamic. It's your truth, in the end, even if someone else sees it differently.
This was a beautiful punch in the gut. I've spent some years estranged from my sister, and have often thought of writing about it. We're back together now, with a substantial loss of anger, but skyscraper high boundaries. It's working. Anticipating the whole memoir and look forward to reading.
Wow, this has echoes of my family. People not speaking to each other for years. Holocaust survivors on my dad's side. I'm convinced it shapes multiple generations. Thank you so much for sharing and helping me understand.
Thank you for that offer. I haven't figured out yet what is okay to publish and what would be better to keep private. When I write an essay that I feel confident about sharing, I would love to reach out. Thanks.
Loved this. Looking forward to reading the whole memoir when it's ready.
Thank you!
The line between personal memory and inherited trauma is razor-thin here, and you walk it with such clarity and care. “We were the replacements” — yes. That strange pressure to justify existence by continuing what was interrupted. That haunting need to remember for others, even when no one asked us to. You’ve named something that so many descendants of survivors feel but rarely articulate.
Your twin’s transformation — from shared childhood mythology to estrangement — is gutting. But so real. And your restraint in the telling makes it even more powerful.
You’ve written something sacred here. And I’ll be thinking about 3636 — as both a place and a metaphor — for a long time.
Thank you.
—Anton
Permission to be Powerful
Thank you. That means a lot to me
Appreciate this a great deal. I have half-siblings I haven't spoken with in decades. Even across the years, I imagine the threat of exposure feels too great....
It really does. There is a really unique pain/shame when you are alienated from your siblings. Thanks for reading.
wow and so true if perplexing we create our own families as we go people who do not necessarily share memory but the desire to explore and incorporate it in a way at cross purpose sometimes to our own blood kin we can actually be TOO close to Them and we mirror our own confusion (?)
Interesting, never thought about it that way. Thank you for reading!
I didn’t see the end coming. I expected a story about a twin who had died, not a dead connection that might live again.
Well, it has been another year and nothing has changed ... thanks for reading.
When I saw @writersatwork weekend thread, I decided to scroll and not look until my hand felt ready to stop. It stopped on your comment, and I'm so grateful it did. "Estrangement", is a difficult experience, and while I have so many thoughts, I've never been able to put them into words. My estrangement is from my father, and it's a sore point for my mother- so much so that I find it challenging to write about. How do you tell your story when it's also someone else's? And, yet- you did it beautifully. Thank you
It was super scary, I'll tell you that. On one hand, I convinced myself he'll never read it so it's okay. On the other, I really tried my best to take myself out of the picture and look at the dynamic. It's your truth, in the end, even if someone else sees it differently.
This was a beautiful punch in the gut. I've spent some years estranged from my sister, and have often thought of writing about it. We're back together now, with a substantial loss of anger, but skyscraper high boundaries. It's working. Anticipating the whole memoir and look forward to reading.
Oh and yes, boundaries! Such a good thing, and a good word.
So grateful, thank you 🙏
Wow, this has echoes of my family. People not speaking to each other for years. Holocaust survivors on my dad's side. I'm convinced it shapes multiple generations. Thank you so much for sharing and helping me understand.
If you ever want to share, please let me know. We do guest posts
Thank you for that offer. I haven't figured out yet what is okay to publish and what would be better to keep private. When I write an essay that I feel confident about sharing, I would love to reach out. Thanks.
Thanks Rey! I think that's true.
It is sad and I do wonder about the correlation