In my 20s, I got a tattoo to link myself to my grandmother and her Auschwitz tattoo. When I tried to remove it in my 40s, I realized it was too late. The ink had already left its mark on my son.
Love this. Leah, I still had your SF phone number in my contacts, which reminded me to try to find out how you and Azriel are doing. I have fond memories of working with him that SF summer. Please say hello to him.
Wow, this is so powerful. Thank you for sharing this story.
My favorite part:
"Which may be partly why, as early as five, my bad dreams began. I’d wake up and tell her about the ferocious dogs lunging at me from behind a fence. Or I’d see smoke coming up from the buildings in the distance. Or I could hear the clattering noise of trains on tracks. It was only years later that I learned my grandmother had been forced to sort through and clean the clothes of Jews who’d been immediately killed on arrival to the camp."
This passage reminded me that we exist as eggs in our mother's ovaries when she is in her own mother's (our grandmother's) womb. I believe this is one way we are connected to our grandmother's experiences.
Ohmygoodness. This is gorgeous, Leah. I'm so glad I asked to read it. You're an exquisite writer. As a child I suffered because I too received transmissions. I lived in fear, as a late boomer I was close to the immediacy of memories of the Holocaust. I'm so glad your grandmother survived. I'm so sorry she had to experience something no one should ever have to experience. I have very strong associations to the Auschwitz tattoos. That's why my Hineni is on the inside of my left arm. It's a remembrance of and an act of rebellion against the memory of the monsters who treated so many beautiful souls like dirt. Seriously blown away in this moment. I definitely would like to post a link to this story when I post mine this week. Thank you for sharing it.
Listen. This is amazing work. I just revised my essay, because your command of craft is so beautiful, and I aspire to write with the depth you convey. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing this personal and beautiful story to honor your grandmother. The removal sounded so painful! And I loved how you responded to your son’s tattoo. So loving.
I got my first tattoo when I was 23 as well - also a GenXer. It was a rebellious thing at the time. I surmised that if I had my ears pierced I couldn’t be buried in a Jewish cemetery anyway so why not? Years later, the small sun that was called a “tramp stamp” bothered me. It was the poor artwork that nagged at me. Although I did the opposite. In my mid 40s, I had it covered it with another larger tattoo of a beautiful colorful lotus flower. And then I got a few more small ones. One on my left inner bicep of an enlightened lotus flower. Soft and sweet. And then only 2 years ago I dared and got one on my right inner forearm. A small arrow pointing down to my hand but signifying to stay grounded in love. It’s got arrow feathers to signify my ancestors and a meeting of two opposing triangles signifying Mother Earth and father Sky. This one truly honors how far I’ve come in coming back to myself and grateful for all that was and beyond. And for me, it’s taking back power of myself without shame of what it once signified for Jews.
And my daughter now 18 also just got her first and I hope only tattoo. It’s on her upper bicep and can be hidden with short sleeves even. It’s tasteful and well done of an outline of 4 trees that she loves. They are her favorite trees from a landscape at Jewish sleep away camp. Thanks for prompting me to want to share part of this story.
funny how physical pain can actually focus and force secretion of emotion or thought of course better when we have given permission to the pain inflicted in the opposite instance i suppose the revelations are more cloudy in the moment admire the clarity of your observations
I love this story. It feels relatable in universal ways - the relationship and ties with your grandmother and what she went through; how you still feel connected to her and that struggle (and how the vivid dreams linked you two in ways speech cannot) ; how all of that resonated with your son. I, too, am connected with my grandmother's struggles she shared with me - albeit not in a concentration camp during WWII - and my son is always asking questions about his grandmother and recently got a tattoo. Poignant and reflective writing!
A wonderful piece of writing. Fascinating that you had those dreams as a child. And the way you connect it all back through the generations. Simply beautiful.
And the dreams were pretty crazy at the time. But there was also lots of superstition around and dreams played a role in that. I wish I could share a video here, but I always laugh when I see the scene in Fiddler on the Roof, where Tevye has a dream of Fruma Sarah. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6o2gISJYwQU
Life tattoos us in so many ways. Science shows us that the cells of the body remember. Just as your grandmother's cells remember what she experienced and, in her ovaries and in her mitochondrial DNA, perhaps passed some part of these experiences to your mother, to you, and to your son.
I really felt what you wrote. My grandmothers and mothers hands were work worn from Oklahoma farming, cooking, and child raising. I have scars and freckles on my hands, but not like theirs. The Tralfamadorians reference really brought my fascination with hands and the differences to mind!
Love this. Leah, I still had your SF phone number in my contacts, which reminded me to try to find out how you and Azriel are doing. I have fond memories of working with him that SF summer. Please say hello to him.
Wonderfully written, also. KQ
Oh my goodness! I’m sending you a message.
Wow, this is so powerful. Thank you for sharing this story.
My favorite part:
"Which may be partly why, as early as five, my bad dreams began. I’d wake up and tell her about the ferocious dogs lunging at me from behind a fence. Or I’d see smoke coming up from the buildings in the distance. Or I could hear the clattering noise of trains on tracks. It was only years later that I learned my grandmother had been forced to sort through and clean the clothes of Jews who’d been immediately killed on arrival to the camp."
This passage reminded me that we exist as eggs in our mother's ovaries when she is in her own mother's (our grandmother's) womb. I believe this is one way we are connected to our grandmother's experiences.
Thank you for reading! So true about the egg connection
Ohmygoodness. This is gorgeous, Leah. I'm so glad I asked to read it. You're an exquisite writer. As a child I suffered because I too received transmissions. I lived in fear, as a late boomer I was close to the immediacy of memories of the Holocaust. I'm so glad your grandmother survived. I'm so sorry she had to experience something no one should ever have to experience. I have very strong associations to the Auschwitz tattoos. That's why my Hineni is on the inside of my left arm. It's a remembrance of and an act of rebellion against the memory of the monsters who treated so many beautiful souls like dirt. Seriously blown away in this moment. I definitely would like to post a link to this story when I post mine this week. Thank you for sharing it.
You made my day, thank you!
Listen. This is amazing work. I just revised my essay, because your command of craft is so beautiful, and I aspire to write with the depth you convey. Thank you.
So personal, so powerful so obviously well written.
Thanks for sharing this personal and beautiful story to honor your grandmother. The removal sounded so painful! And I loved how you responded to your son’s tattoo. So loving.
I got my first tattoo when I was 23 as well - also a GenXer. It was a rebellious thing at the time. I surmised that if I had my ears pierced I couldn’t be buried in a Jewish cemetery anyway so why not? Years later, the small sun that was called a “tramp stamp” bothered me. It was the poor artwork that nagged at me. Although I did the opposite. In my mid 40s, I had it covered it with another larger tattoo of a beautiful colorful lotus flower. And then I got a few more small ones. One on my left inner bicep of an enlightened lotus flower. Soft and sweet. And then only 2 years ago I dared and got one on my right inner forearm. A small arrow pointing down to my hand but signifying to stay grounded in love. It’s got arrow feathers to signify my ancestors and a meeting of two opposing triangles signifying Mother Earth and father Sky. This one truly honors how far I’ve come in coming back to myself and grateful for all that was and beyond. And for me, it’s taking back power of myself without shame of what it once signified for Jews.
And my daughter now 18 also just got her first and I hope only tattoo. It’s on her upper bicep and can be hidden with short sleeves even. It’s tasteful and well done of an outline of 4 trees that she loves. They are her favorite trees from a landscape at Jewish sleep away camp. Thanks for prompting me to want to share part of this story.
Love this. Azriel has already moved on to his second tattoo!
It is a strange thing to desire more than one tattoo. I can relate. :)
funny how physical pain can actually focus and force secretion of emotion or thought of course better when we have given permission to the pain inflicted in the opposite instance i suppose the revelations are more cloudy in the moment admire the clarity of your observations
Beautiful essay.
Thank you! That means a lot to me.
I love this story. It feels relatable in universal ways - the relationship and ties with your grandmother and what she went through; how you still feel connected to her and that struggle (and how the vivid dreams linked you two in ways speech cannot) ; how all of that resonated with your son. I, too, am connected with my grandmother's struggles she shared with me - albeit not in a concentration camp during WWII - and my son is always asking questions about his grandmother and recently got a tattoo. Poignant and reflective writing!
So interesting! Now I need to know about his tattoo
An ankh symbol on his inner forearm.
A wonderful piece of writing. Fascinating that you had those dreams as a child. And the way you connect it all back through the generations. Simply beautiful.
And the dreams were pretty crazy at the time. But there was also lots of superstition around and dreams played a role in that. I wish I could share a video here, but I always laugh when I see the scene in Fiddler on the Roof, where Tevye has a dream of Fruma Sarah. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6o2gISJYwQU
Thanks you! So grateful you took the time to read it.
Life tattoos us in so many ways. Science shows us that the cells of the body remember. Just as your grandmother's cells remember what she experienced and, in her ovaries and in her mitochondrial DNA, perhaps passed some part of these experiences to your mother, to you, and to your son.
So true! My tattoo information is all drawn from your reporting!
Here's the original story on tattoos, in case anyone is interested https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/why-do-tattoos-last-forever-n854256 and a slightly relevant one on mitochondrial DNA https://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2006/01/16/1548268.htm. And here's some of the research on how what happens to a woman can affect her grandchildren: https://spotlight.leeds.ac.uk/research-journeys-you-are-what-your-grandmother-ate/index.html and https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6127768/
This is why I love journalists...
This is a stunner ❤️
You are too kind
I just love the way this piece gathers force and fits together. Such a good essay! It's (still) one of my very favorite pieces from you!
Thanks coach :)
I really felt what you wrote. My grandmothers and mothers hands were work worn from Oklahoma farming, cooking, and child raising. I have scars and freckles on my hands, but not like theirs. The Tralfamadorians reference really brought my fascination with hands and the differences to mind!
Wow, yes, hands say so much.